Cries from the midst of the daytime as I feel a shaking coming from behind.
It's the valley that makes me wonder, if the shaking hands are only just mine.
Are the messages on the pavement really real?
Are our dreams a one time deal?
Is money the lead to Americas fall?
Did humans start this big hall.
It's the hall to sucess filled with bushes posessing thorns, a man says "good luck" as you approach the many floors.
You can't beat the system, as the trouble is unbarringly moving along.
You almost complete the final puzzle that tells you the future you have had all along.
But your tears wake you up and the things that you learned in your dreams are now gone.
Feedback Read what other people have to say about this poem!
dreambig: I feel where your going but I agree expand it and explain each with more detail while linking all the ideas together. Or write different poems for each idea. on March 09, 2010 12:15 PM
jdpelletier: whoa pessimistic apathetic, your last two lines send a really no-matter feel to the reader
jumpy jumpy in the first few lines, i see where you're trying to go but i think its a little to broad from valley to hands to pavement to AMERICA to halls to bushes...too much imagery. expand the poem or break it down a little.
"you almost complete...you have had all along" is a great idea, go with it on June 18, 2008 11:24 PM
